Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
