am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
