maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
