I think I just saw someone hide a body.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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