Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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