i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
