I am spending my child support on dildos
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
