just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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