Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
