I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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