After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
