My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
