I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
