Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
