Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
