I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
