I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
