Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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