Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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