His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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