clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
