My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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