I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
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