Barsexuality is the new black.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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