my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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