That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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