Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
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