woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
