the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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