4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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