it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
