I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
