Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Randomize
