Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
