I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
