the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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