Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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