i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
