Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
