i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
