Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
tonight lets celebrate not being married
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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