True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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