come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
