Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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