you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
