All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
