At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
