hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
