you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
