The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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