I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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