Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I have feelings that need drinking.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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